Jon Kennedy, Nanty Glo Home Page webmaster and owner, is a former teen and campus minister. He began his journalism career as teen columnist for the Nanty Glo Journal and its sister weekly newspapers from 1957 to '62 and became the Journal's third editor in 1962 at age 20. He has edited other newspapers and magazines, and more recently, webzines, ever since. His articles have appeared in the Los Angeles Times, Detroit Free Press, Cleveland Plain-Dealer, Christianity Today, and many other publications. His Jonals appear here on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Complete index of Jon Kennedy's Jonal articles

Jon Kennedy's latest book is The Everything Guide to C.S. Lewis and Narnia, now in stores, from Adams Media, F&W Publications. From May 9, 2007 through July 2, 2008 his blog entries or "Jonals" were articles inspired by readings in Lewis's work that didn't fit into the book. Click here for a list of all articles in the C.S. Lewis Overflow series. The book is available for purchase in support of the Liberty Museum in Nanty Glo and is also available on Amazon.

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Reticence

Jonal entry 1100 | May 6 2009

Frank Charney used a term in one of his profiles some months back that has stuck in my mind. He described an old-time Nanty Gloan as "reticent" to mean someone not given to mixing in easily with strangers or groups; anything but a social gadfly. It's a good word. It's better than "shy," which I used in one of the early Jonals years ago to describe myself. I've been thinking about it and believe it fits better than "shy" to name the characteristic I cited in the Jonal eulogy I did about Bill Martin several weeks ago. I said that when a bully accosted me when I entered a teen hangout in Nanty Glo on one of my first visits to town on my own at age 15, my first thought was to absent myself from the premises before anything worse, like a bloody nose or black eye, might ensue. I've always been reticent and even though some would misjudge it as cowardice, on the whole I consider it a positive trait that has served me well and I consider it, in situations like that one, the better part of wisdom.

Ironically, at least when seen superficially, I've always been something of a self-promoter and in some ways a "public person," but much of that is an attempt to compensate for my reticence and my self-image as shy. You can't get ahead in life if you're too shy to approach people who can help you (for example, by giving you employment), so in order to do things like that I honed characteristics of professionalism and being businesslike. My reticence was a result of a number of factors. First, it is a family trait; I'm sure my mother was shy in many situations and, although he projected an almost opposite facade, as hard and tough, I think my father was doing that—projecting—mainly as compensation for his own reticence. My brothers were also known as shy, and I think my brother Bob has always covered it by his witty sense of humor, enabling him to make a joke with anyone he meets almost immediately, like a checkout clerk in a store, and break the ice. It's a characteristic I've always envied but have been able to apply on only rare occasions. His "cover" makes him appear extroverted and maybe such practice makes perfect...maybe he really is an extrovert, but, now that I'm thinking about our roots, I suspect it's a cover.

Another factor in my reticence as a child and which has formed my character ever since was a desire to be a good ambassador. We were always warned not to do anything that would bring shame back on the family, but more importantly to me at, say age six through eight, I wanted to be an ambassador for God. My childhood heroes were the boy David who slew the giant to put the fear of God in his family's enemies and restore faith in Him in the family; Daniel who chose to go to the lion's den instead of denying his God, and, pre-eminently, Joseph, who became Pharaoh's prime minister by taking a stand for his God rather than yield to temptations of the flesh and a desire to fit in. I knew very early that fitting in is antithetical to being an ambassador or, what the Protestant churches I was raised in called it, having a Christian testimony. So I was reticent to hang around with boys who told and laughed at dirty jokes or were into mischief or being known as "bad." That alienated me, to some extent, from most of my peers and resulted in many untrue opinions about why I was so...well, reticent. But I expected that kind of payoff going in and I often was able to make up for it by forging one-to-one relationships with boys like that (for example, casting some of them in lead roles in stage shows I helped produce in high school). But getting myself in a position to be co-producing the schools' talent shows by age 16 took some "doing," as they say, and on the surface such doing seems like just the opposite of reticence.

As an adult, reticence is covered by a multitude of other traits that are likely to result in misjudging. Being "professional" in things like the way you talk or conduct yourself (a bit more "reserved" and more "formal" than many people consider comfortable) can be a result of reticence. Some will take such behaviour as "snobbishness" or as C.S. Lewis repeatedly called it, referring to both himself and others, "priggishness." At least when our generation were growing up, I think it was expected that any school principal would be relatively "reserved," not only not joining in loose talk, for example, but discouraging it in those around himself as part of his job description. Some think of such reticence as "pomposity," even though its root is self-doubt and uncertainty or a desire to preserve high standards more than from feelings of superiority in comparison to others. And sometimes reticence is exercised in the presence of certain people more than others. For example, if you know people who don't share your kind of sense of humor, who usually miss the point of the punchline or think your jokes are not funny, you'll be reticent to try to be funny in their presence. And they'll wonder why you're a stuffed shirt or "too businesslike all the time." Such people will never know the "real you" (and in most cases, of course, could care less); but your real friends know you in an entirely different light.

—Webmaster Jon Kennedy

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