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Good Morning Nanty Glo!
           Wednesday, March 19 2003 

Jon Kennedy, webmasterHillbillies

Georgia Democratic United States Senator Zell Miller recently accused the CBS television network of "peddling bigotry for bucks" by planning to launch a new reality show based on the classic fictitious situation comedy, The Beverly Hillbillies, which was a great moneymaker for the network from 1962 to 1971.

The period was my dark years for television viewing generally so I never saw The Beverly Hillbillies and likewise have not watched any of the recently broadcast "reality shows" like Survivor, Fear Factor, the Bachelorette or Joe Millionaire. I did catch five minutes of The Osbornes on MTV, however, which makes me an expert on the genre.

I doubt that I'd have ever tuned into the reality version of Beverly Hillbillies either. But that doesn't preclude me from having an opinion on it just the same. I think that, based on what I've heard and seen in commercials and outtakes about the current spate of reality television, by comparison a real family tranported from some hillbilly backwater in the South—like Senator Miller's Georgia or Kentucky, West Virginia, or Southwest Pennsylvania—to Beverly Hills, CA, and given an open expense account, a Jaguar or BMW to drive and television cameras in every room, might make television worth watching.

But Reuters, in reporting on Senator Miller's wrath, said "Groups in Appalachia and the South, where casting for the show has been focused, have picketed a CBS affiliate, launched letter-writing campaigns and taken out newspaper ads around the country to try to pressure the network to back down."

Back down? I don't know about you, but I think I recognize opportunity knocking when I hear it! But more seriously, I've long thought that we rural southwest Pennsylvanians from, as WJAC used to call it, "the top of the Allegheny Mountains," have a bit of a hillbilly complex. What do you think? Is what CBS proposes an affront or, as the Senator claims, "peddling bigotry"? What constitutes a hillbilly? Are you now or have you, or your spouse, ever been married to one? And would you consider it an embarrassment—or an honor—to have CBS come and start their reality version of the Beverly Hillbillies in Blacklick Valley...maybe on Chicoree Mountain?

—Webmaster Jon Kennedy

 Inspectors in a woman's perspective

Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have arrived in Iraq? They're all men! How in the name of the United Nations does anyone expect men to find Saddam's stash? We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes to finding things. For crying out loud! Men can't find the dirty clothes hamper. Men can't find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the cupboard and splatters on the floor... and these are the people we have sent into Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass destruction?

I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in. Mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of dope. Mothers can find gin bottles that dads have stashed in the attic beneath the rafters. They can sniff out a diary two rooms and one floor away. They can tell when the lid of a cookie jar has been disturbed and notice when a quarter inch slice has been shaved off a chocolate cake. A mother can smell alcohol on your breath before you get your key in the front door and can smell cigarette smoke from a block away.

By examining laundry, a mother knows more about their kids than Sherlock Holmes. And if a mother wants an answer to a question, she can read an offender's eyes quicker than a homicide detective. So...considering the value a mother could bring to an inspection team, why are we sending a bunch of old men who will rely on electronic equipment to scout out hidden threats? My mother would walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand, grab Saddam by the ear, give it a good twist, and snap, "Young man, do you have any weapons of mass destruction?"

And God help him if he tried to lie to her. She'd march him down the street to some secret bunker and shove his nose into a nuclear bomb and say, "Uh, huh, and what do you call this, mister?" Whap! Thump! Whap! Whap! Whap! And she'd lay some stripes across his bare bottom with that soup spoon, then march him home in front of the whole of Baghdad. He'd not only come clean and apologize for lying about it, he'd cut every lawn in Baghdad for free for the whole summer. You want the job done? Call my mother.

— Sent by Zan

Lenten thought for the day

Let us become like Christ, since Christ became like us. Let us become gods for His sake, since He became man for our sakes. He assumed the worst, that He might give us the better. He became poor, that we—through His poverty—might be rich. He took upon Him the form of a servant, the we might receive back our liberty. He came down, that we might be exalted. He was tempted, that we might conquer. He was dishonored, that He might glorify us. He died, that He might save us. He ascended, that He might draw to Himelf us—who were lying low in the Fall of sin.....

— St. Gregory the Theologian

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