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Good Morning Nanty Glo!
Sunday, July 22 2001

My House Is Haunted!

My house is haunted and I will bet that yours is too if you have children. My first knowledge of this scary phenomenon came when a buddy called and told me that someone had broken the drain on his bathtub. Neither he nor his wife could fix it so he called, in a panic, for my assistance. I quickly maneuvered the piece back into place and joined my friend for a cup of coffee. Now relaxed, since all was well, my buddy made a confession. He looked at me very seriously and said, "My house is haunted." He went on to explain that his five-year-old daughter had come out of the bathroom, holding the insides of the bathroom drain and naked as a newborn, complaining that someone had drained her bath water. She protested very vehemently that she hadn't done anything. My friend laughed as he finished the story and said, "Since there wasn't anyone else in the bathroom with my daughter, my house has to be haunted with a mischievous ghost."

My first experience with this ghostly phenomenon happened shortly after our first foster child arrived. She was a very active, slightly retarded 13-year-old. She ran out of the bathroom one day and declared that there was water all over the floor. My wife and I rushed in to find the problem and clean up the mess. We found a roll of toilet paper stuffed into the commode and water overflowing the bowl. Our foster daughter kept saying, "I didn't do it. My wife kept telling her that there wasn't anyone else in the bathroom." Pat and I didn't have any children of our own so she didn't know about this mysterious ghost so I told her about my buddy's story.

This ghost became most active in our house when we had three teens, a 13-year-old girl, a 14-year-old girl and a 15-year-old boy. One day scratches and paint matching the paint on one of our bikes appeared on the side of our van. All three teens denied any knowledge of how this happened. I thought, "Now, that ghost has learned to ride a bike."

Pat couldn't find some of the kids' clothes so she sent me up to look through the dressers. I found clothes the kids had declared missing and I found an empty wine bottle. Pat rushed back to our bedroom and discovered that someone had taken two bottles of her cooking wine. We confronted the kids as soon as they arrived home from school. Of course, not one of them knew anything about the wine. Nevertheless, one of them did discover the second bottle of wine, half empty, hanging out the bedroom window. We learned later from a confidential informant with close ties to the ghost that the unsophisticated palette of the ghost didn't appreciate the dry cooking wine. It poured most of the wine out the window.

My parents had always declared that ghosts do not exist. This proves to me that my sisters and I were perfect angels. Our house has been haunted ever since we began caring for foster children. I also believe the number of ghosts in our house at any time is equal to the number of children we have. My response to anyone who doesn't have a haunted house is that they don't have any children. For some strange reason, these mischievous ghosts stay very close to the kids at all times.

Things to Think About

1) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

2) Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

3) I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my wife is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.

4) A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know, a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

5) Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library, the James Carter Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, the George Bush Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore. .

Sent by David Caldwell

Good exercise

There is no better exercise for strengthening the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.

Sent by Anonymous
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